GCSE's to A-Levels: The Jump

Oh. My. Goodness. It's been too long.

HI GUYS

So about a month ago I started sixth form (which, if you don't live in the UK is the part of school you're in when you're 16-18) and I thought I was into it enough to be able to do a blog post about it for those of you in this position or coming up to it.

Just to say, this post isn't personal to the specific sixth form I'm at, just my experience of the jump from GCSE's to A-Levels. 

I made the decision to stay at school sixth form, mainly because I'd already moved 2 years before and, if I'm honest, didn't really want to move again. Plus, most of my friends were staying and it just seemed like the best decision for me to stay. It definitely was. All the teachers know me, the subjects are familiar and staying has made that transitional phase that little bit easier.

For those who want to know, I am studying English Literature, Religious Studies, French and History. I am definitely a humanities girl; I was never really into maths or science and I am so so so glad I have left those subjects behind for good. 

Right. Let's talk about the jump. I was expecting it to be about a 4/10 on the difficulty scale. The fact that I would be surrounded by the familiarity of my school definitely made me feel like it was going to be a whole lot easier. However, the jump was still enormous. In my first week of school I was under an insane amount of homework, assignments and research tasks and I was just overwhelmed. 

The main difference for me was definitely the realisation that I can no longer pretend. I can't pretend to pay attention, do the work at home or revise. If you slack, it is going to catch up with you, and that's definitely not a position you want to be in. It's mainly because you have chosen to do those subjects, they are supposed to be the 4 subjects you love the most and are the best at and, potentially, want to do for the rest of your life. You're EXPECTED to keep on top of things and not let the amount of work catch up with you. It was very surreal, and it still is. I never thought it would be such a difference. However, I definitely think that staying at my school made a huge difference.  

I am the world's worst procrastinator and my worst habit by far is convincing myself is that I don't need to do something straight away. I hate it about myself but I personally think it's all down to organisation. I've started this thing where every Sunday evening I go through my diary and all the homework I haven't done for that week yet and plan it all in.

If you're in sixth form or college, you probably have free periods.

USE THEM.

They're the best way to make sure you stay on top of your work and make sure you can still relax at the weekend.

I'm sorry this was such an 'all over the place' post but I really needed to write a blogpost.. I will probably make a video about this giving more advice and expanding a bit.

If you have any requests, questions or whatever please comment down below, I would appreciate it! 

xxxx

Where to start..

Hello there everyone!

It's been a while, so I thought I might just give you guys a bit of an update, but just a warning: this is going to be a bit of a 'word vomit' post - who knows what might come out?!

First of all, my YouTube channel is coming along really nicely! Thank you so much for your support and lovely comments - it means the world. There is definitely a new video coming as soon as I get home and it involves a very special guest so keep your eyes peeled for that!

Next up, my summer holidays have been going amazingly well. At first, all the free time took a bit of getting used to and I just wanted to go back to school, but honestly, I needed the space. The last months before my summer began (every since February really) were so tough and I went through a lot and I was really drained. Some people may have dealt really well with exams and stress and you're so so lucky but I was definitely not one of you. I'm glad it's over and that I've had the summer to recharge my batteries and do things that I enjoy. *If you want to see how my list is coming along, click here!*

Finally, the thing that was always looming in the back of mind as I swam in the sea, sunbathed and saw friends and family...Results day. It came and it went and I'm so relieved. I might update this and say what I got someday but for now I just want you guys to know that I am over the moon with my results and I couldn't be happier to see that my hard work and anxiety was worth it. A lot of you must have gotten results too and I really hope you can say the same. 

My anxiety was something that I really had to come to face this summer. *If you want to see the blog post I wrote about my anxiety and panic attacks while I was revising for exams you can click here.* I kept having panic attacks while I was going through exams but when I finished school I thought they would stop. They didn't. I was so surprised and shocked because I thought they were triggered by stress but I now know that's probably not the case and I'm slightly apprehensive of how it's going to affect my next two years in education. I don't want to go into too much detail right now but if you want me to do a whole blog post about it, or even a video, you can leave a comment and I'll definitely do that. 

So all in all, these last few months have been pretty insane but I've grown so much and really come to terms with everything about myself: good and bad.
To finish, here are some photos of my summer - I hope you had a good one and I wish you all the best in the next year!

xxxx

What am I thinking?!

Okay, so in my last post I mentioned that one of the things I would really love to do this summer is to start an active YouTube channel, and guess what? I now actually have.

I filmed and edited my first proper video yesterday and if I'm honest, I'm petrified. This could go so horribly wrong in so many ways, but I feel like this would be a great thing for me to do. I just hope that I won't give up too easily, and that I get an okay response :) 

Thanks so much for all of you guys for being there, for reading and commenting, I appreciate it so so much! 

So here it is....another thing I can cross off my list!

xxxx

THE LIST

Hey guys!

Finally exams are finished and I couldn't be happier. If any of you read my last post, you
know that when it comes to stress, I'm not exactly the best at dealing with it. Anyway, 
even though I am so happy to be able to lounge about without feeling guilty, I do have a 
couple of things I want to achieve while I have so much free time on my hands. 
(In case you didn't realise, if I've crossed something out, it means I have actually done it already)

♥ Burn all my old school things

♥ Dye my hair pink

♥ Fly by myself

♥ Make a stranger laugh

♥ Say yes for a whole entire day

♥ Skinny dip

♥ Learn to say "Hello, how are you?" in 10 different languages

♥ Wear no makeup for 10 days

♥ Drink a whole cup of coffee (I hate coffee, bleugh)

♥ Finish learning to play the guitar

♥ Frolic in a field

♥ Read Jane Eyre

♥ Sleep on the trampoline

♥ Get a cartilage piercing

♥ Spend the whole day in bed

♥ Perform in a public place

♥ Get on a random train and see where it takes me

♥ Don't talk for 2 days straight

♥ Buy a camera

♥ Start a YouTube channel

Now, these are just some of the things I want to do this summer, partly to kill time, but 
also to make sure that I make the most of it! This is one of the longest summer holidays of
my whole life and I don't want to get to September and be disappointed in the way that I
used my time.
I especially want to let you guys know about the last thing on my list, I've been 
thinking about it for a while now and I think I would love to start making videos as well as 
blog posts. I can make music, talk about make up and life and everything like that. It 
would just be an extension of my blog, that also makes me more accessible..
Let me know what you think, and I'll keep you all posted on how my list is coming along. 

Thanks for sticking by me guys!

xxxx

♥

I've begun to get into this habit of starting every blog post I write with: 'I'm sorry I haven't been around for a while', or something of that nature. But really, that's not what my blog is all about. 
Yes, I haven't written in a while but to those who read me regardless of whether I put a post up every day or once a month, thank you for for accepting that

***

My exam season starts in 8 days. 
It finishes in 40.
Results day is in 109.

Lately, these figures have become all I care about and all my mind revolves around. Opening that first exam paper, closing the last one and peeling open the flap of the dreaded white envelope that carries the verdict: am I successful? Am I clever? I am I going far in life? Are my parents proud of me? 

At some point it got me so twisted that I couldn't sleep. I couldn't focus and it paralysed me. The pressure sent me backwards instead of motivating me on. 

That's when I began to get panic attacks.

I never thought I would be the kind of person to get them, to be perfectly honest. I could identify with stress but never with anxiety. Until one night while I was lying in bed it just hit me. I couldn't understand why because I had spent the whole day revising and working towards my exams but it just engulfed me. 

I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was going to vomit and I just wanted it to stop. It was one of the most horrible thing's I've ever been through.

Even thinking about it now just makes me want to cry.

I've only had two since then, and that was about two months ago. For some odd reason, I always get them when I have worked my hardest. I guess it's because there is more space for me to lie to myself and tell myself that I haven't done enough. I would say to myself: You could have done so much more; you think you have done your best today but it's just not enough.

I think that's one of my biggest fears, not doing enough.  I hate thinking that I could have done more, but I didn't. 

To be honest, I'm just so scared. I'm terrified. It might seem ridiculous to you; you might think I'm over reacting or attention seeking but to me it has become my life.

I don't want to be this panic stricken person who lives life in fear of not doing enough. I don't want to be someone who over thinks to the point where they can't sleep anymore. 

It's started to get better. I'm telling myself now that it doesn't matter how organised I am or how many schedules I can stick to. It's about making the simple decision to revise or not to revise. That's all that is important now. I know I'm strong enough to decide what is best for me and what is going to result in me being able to say that I've made the right decisions and that I've tried my best. 

All I want is to be proud of myself, for my parent's to know I did my best, and for God to be able to say: I knew you could do it.

Guys, you might think this was cheesy or weird, but this is my blog and I needed to tell someone, anyone, about everything.

Whoever reads this, I hope it made you feel like you can do it too.

♥

I love a lot of things

I was wondering what to write and I asked my amazing friend for advice and after some long debating, she told me to write about something I love.

♥ I love it when my room has just been tidied

♥ I love it when the shower is the perfect temperature

♥ I love it when shuffle reads my mind

♥ I love the feeling of waking up because of the sun shining through my curtains

♥ I love eating that first bite of food when I haven't eaten all day

♥ I love really tight hugs

♥ I love it when the clock hits 3.30 on a Friday afternoon of school

♥ I love it when I wake up and realise that I can lie in today

♥ I love the feeling of playing a piano piece perfectly all the way through

♥ I love getting in to a bed with clean sheets

♥ I love music that just makes you feel like you can do anything

♥ I love knowing that God loves me no matter what

♥ I love looking out of my window and seeing a clear blue sky

♥ I love spending time with my family when all of us are in a great mood

♥ I love stretching in the morning

♥ I love it when my dad tells me I'm great

♥ I love the smell of fresh washing that's still wet - it's heaven

♥  I love tea that is made with the perfect amount of milk and sugar

♥ I love re-reading a good book and discovering new things I hadn't noticed before

♥ I love it when people close my door without me asking them to

♥ I love drinking water when I'm thirsty

♥ I love it when someone or something genuinely makes me laugh

♥ I love it when someone really wants to know how I'm feeling

♥ I love it when I can be myself with people

♥ I love it when my mum laughs at my jokes  

♥ I love the moment when you can say "it's not even that cold any more" when you're swimming in the sea

♥ I love that surge of motivation I get once in a while

♥ I love knowing that someday I will be independent

♥ I love the feeling of finishing something

♥ I love making something beautiful

♥ I love it when I write the date and my handwriting actually looks nice for once

♥ I love being somewhere or seeing something that puts everything into perspective

♥ I love the thrill of doing something new

♥ I love this song 

xxxx

How to: Get your life back

Hey there.

I think it's fair to say that I have been away for much too long. To symbolise this, I'm going to give a short synopsis of the reasons for this, and why it is relevant to all of you. 

Exams, friends, family, lack of sleep, lack of time, lack of inspiration and lack of organisation. 

Now that everything has calmed down somewhat, I feel like my life is kind of disorganised, and anyone who knows me will know that that is a place I hate to be in. My head feels like it's a mess and that has quite a big impact on my life: my room is horrendous, my school work goes down hill and I become even more anti-social than I already am. Thus the reason for writing this. If you feel the same as me, why not join me on my journey to: 

Get my life back!

Of course, this implies that my life was lost to begin with, but this is not the case at all. I am over exaggerating massively in that my life is still quite great even though I feel like it's not and that I am super fortunate with everything that I have. However, I feel like that with a few changes, it could be at its healthiest.

Change your outlook

I am a firm believer in this theory: if your environment is untidy, so is your head. I HATE tidying my bedroom, but not quite as much as I hate the feeling of it messy. So tidy your room. If not, is there anything that you could change about your environment? Maybe move a few things around, change your duvet cover or even just hoover; I'm not suggesting a complete spring clean because that takes time that only few people have, but just surround yourself with things that make you happy!

Clean sheets just make me so happy...

Give something up

Lent is approaching, so this might be the perfect opportunity to start to think about this. If you know you do something that is not good for you, give it up! It could be something as simple and cliché as chocolate or you could give up Saturday morning lie ins to go to the gym! But go easy and make sure it's making you feel good and don't punish yourself.

Spend quality time with people who love you

If people love you, they want the best for you and you can be yourself around them. Spending time with these people can really help you recharge your batteries, relax and have a good time! And it's not about the amount of time you spend with them - you could see your friends and family all day every day - but the quality of the time you're spending. Talk to them, play games, have fun!

Me and my sister in Cornwall <3

Spend quality time with yourself

It's important to have time for yourself when you're not on your laptop or waiting for someone to call you back. Just turn everything off and do something else. Get some fresh air! Read a book! Have a long hot bath - whatever relaxes you. 

Resolutions?

Nope, it doesn't have to be New Year for these! Think of a few things, maybe 5, that you're going to do differently from now on and really try to stick to them. You'll have a better sense of discipline and you'll feel like YOU are the one controlling your life, not stress or work or school. For me? Write a blogpost every Sunday, go to bed earlier, drink more water, play more piano and don't worry.

Have fun!

You're never going to have this day again and if you waste it stressing out about something you can't change, you're going to miss out. If you CAN change what you're worrying about, then change it! If you can't, oh well. It's out of your control then so what? We can't have everything our way. Just live life to the full and go with the flow (so cheesy.)

I will keep you posted on how this little adventure is going for me and let me know in the comments if this was at all beneficial! Thank you so much for those of you who have stuck with me while I've been busy - I love y'all ;)

Have an amazing week you lot! 
Ciska.

xxxx

P.S. Here's a little video just to cheer you up...

Quick update: I'm still alive.

Hello everyone!

So, it's been 16 days since I wrote my last, slightly weird and word-vomity post and I would just like to tell you that I am actually still breathing.

As probably most of you are aware of, as well as bringing a fresh start, the new year also brought a heap of work and revision and stress that I am now up to my eyebrows in. 

I am brimming over with ideas for future posts and have a teeny tiny project that I would like to embark on (more about that soon!!) but I have sternly told myself that I should wait until at least this season of exams are over. 

So this is just a heads up to you that you won't be hearing much from me until the 29th of January (my last exam) and and even after that my appearances will be some what sporadic as I still have revision to be dealing with. The perks of GCSE's.

However, I just thought it would be really unfair to make you wait soooo long and not even give you a small updated post about what's going on.  

Anyway, I am still open to emails and comments and all of that jazz, so any requests or tips will be noted down in my invisible blogging book (my head). So thank you for those you are sticking with me and I promise I will be back with you as soon as I can be!

Loves, Ciska

xxxx